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Title: “Two Hundred Degrees”

Rating: PG

Pairing: Seblaine friendship, past Kurt/Blaine, implied Kurt/Adam

Spoilers: up to 4x13, “Diva”

Warnings: alcohol use

Word Count: 2,000>

Beta: bookidentity

Summary: Blaine finds out about Kurt’s new flame, goes to Karaoke Night at Scandals and runs into an old nemesis. Title taken from the lyrics of “Don’t Stop Me Now” by Queen.

The words still repeated in his head like a ringing in his ears…

”I’m seeing someone.”

It felt like a weight in his gut. Kurt had every right, every right, to date other people, but Christmas felt like yesterday…had it really been two months ago? And for the first time Blaine started to feel like it really was The End. Being broken up was one thing, but now that Kurt was moving on, with another guy, it just felt more real. Blaine had been his gentlemanly, polite, friendly self, ever supportive of Kurt (his friend, be glad he was that at least), and then as soon as they hung up, he grabbed his keys, jumped in the Volvo and headed to West Lima.

Going to Scandals was impulsive, and considering he hadn’t been there since that one night with Kurt, probably stupid, but then he thought, the last time he was here he had been a virgin. Well, that was no longer a thing.  He pulled into the parking lot, checking to be sure he still had the fake I.D. Sebastian gave him over a year before, got out of the car, shut the door, then leaned back against it. “Last chance, Blaine,” he muttered to himself. “Last chance to get back in the car, go home, maybe catch a rerun of ‘American Pickers’…”

“Blaine Anderson, as I live and breathe, what brings you out here on a Friday night? Your hot new Bieber-blonde babysitter let you off your leash?”

*sigh* “Sebastian. Fancy seeing you here.”

Sebastian winked at him. “So, tiger, you coming in or what?” he said as he held the door.

Welp, Blaine thought. Might as well…


Three Coronas, five whipped-cream vodka shots and a Jagerbomb later, Blaine was sitting at a corner table with Sebastian, who was getting increasingly frustrated. He had long ago given up on trying to get Blaine into bed. He meant it last fall when he told Blaine he had turned over a new leaf. No more blackmail, no more assault…but damn it he still needed to get laid on a regular basis and Blaine blubbering on his shoulder about Kurt wasn’t helping his game one bit. At least the story was interesting…he nearly choked on his gin and tonic when Blaine said he had cheated on Kurt. But then Sebastian started to tune out when he got to the ice skating…

“An’ now he’s dating this guy named ADAM. A-dum. Heh, A-DUMB, get it?” Blaine giggled at his joke; Sebastian rolled his eyes. “And he’s a senior. A senior at NEE-YA-DAH,” he emphasized each syllable. “He’s British, can you believe that shit? I’m doomed. How can I beat a British accent, Seb? It’s over, I’m totally fucked.”

Sebastian nodded. “But come on…there are a LOT of British douchebags out there. I mean, I know I made fun of the guy but I think Kurt’s got more sense than to fall for an accent…”

“I mean, why…why can’t I be like you, Seb? I mean, you just go out there, and you just…” Blaine waved his hand out nearly spilling his drink for emphasis, ”you just FUCK.” Sebastian blinked and smiled. Now this was an interesting side to Blaine. “You take any guy you want and you just fuck their brains out, or, I don’t know, maybe you let them fuck your brains out, maybe both, I dunno…” He takes another gulp of his drink, looks at it, then takes another. “but you just DO it, and then you go home. And your heart doesn’t get broken, and there’s no hard feelings, and it’s just, easier.” He tipped his drink back, gathering the last drops. “I want it to be easier, Seb. I mean, I’m a catch, right? I’m a sexy guy. You thought so, fucking Rachel thought so, those girls at Crawford thought so…hell, I’ll bet that drag queen over there thinks so, don’t you honey?” he yells to the man dressed either as Nicki Minaj or a black Katy Perry, he hasn’t decided yet.

“Heck, I’ll bet you I could take someone home tonight, Seb! I mean, I got that other guy…” For a second, Blaine went back to that night, full of pain, regret…but he shook it off, letting the alcohol bolster him. “Um…uh, yeah, anyway, that was just on Facebook. He didn’t even hear me sing! He didn’t get the full-on patented Blaine Warbler Gap Attack!”

“Rumored to be a low point in Warbler history, but hey, I wasn’t there,” Sebastian tried to remind Blaine. But Blaine was on a roll. He stood on a chair, bent down and looked Sebastian in the eye. “I’m gonna sing a song, and I’m gonna seduce a guy in here, and Imma gonna take him home and ffffffffuck ‘im!” Blaine stood back up straight. “Barkeep, another round of shots! DJ! QUEEN PLEASE!” he shouted to the karaoke operator. He leaped from the chair to the small stage off the dance floor, grabbed the mike and clutched the stand:

Tonight I'm gonna have myself a real good time

I feel alive and the world it's turning inside out Yeah!

I'm floating around in ecstasy

So don't stop me now don't stop me

'Cause I'm having a good time having a good time

I'm a shooting star leaping through the skies

Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity

I'm a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva

I'm gonna go go go

There's no stopping me

Blaine was on fire. At least, in his head he was. He felt totally free and better than he had ever sounded. Most of all he was so…uninhibited. He jumped from the stage, singing to the patrons, grabbed shots and downed them in between verses.

I'm burning through the skies Yeah!

Two hundred degrees

That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit

I'm trav'ling at the speed of light

I wanna make a supersonic man of you

He went up to the drag queen and sang right to her, and shimmied, out and out shimmied, then turned around and twerked to the syncopation of the chorus:

Don't stop me now I'm having such a good time

I'm having a ball don't stop me now

If you wanna have a good time just give me a call

Don't stop me now ('Cause I'm having a good time)

Don't stop me now (Yes I'm having a good time)

I don't want to stop at all

I'm a rocket ship on my way to Mars

On a collision course

I am a satellite I'm out of control

I am a sex machine ready to reload

Like an atom bomb about to

Oh oh oh oh oh explode

I'm burning through the skies Yeah!

Two hundred degrees

That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit

I'm trav'ling at the speed of light

I wanna make a supersonic man out of you

Blaine ran back to the stage, stumbled a bit, then got straight again, turned around and started to lead the crowd, which was now all on their feet, in a group sing, and then climbed on another chair and started to play air guitar to the instrumental:

Don't stop me don't stop me don't stop me

Hey hey hey!

Don't stop me don't stop me

Ooh ooh ooh (I like it)

Don't stop me have a good time good time

Don't stop me don't stop me

Ooh ooh Alright

I'm burning through the skies Yeah!

Two hundred degrees

That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit

I'm trav'ling at the speed of light

I wanna make a supersonic man out of you

Don't stop me now I'm having such a good time

I'm having a ball don't stop me now

If you wanna have a good time

Just give me a call

Don't stop me now ('Cause I'm having a good time)

Don't stop me now (Yes I'm having a good time)

I don't wanna stop at all

Blaine raised his arm up, mike in hand, sweat pouring off of him. He felt like a SEX GOD. He took two steps…and then collapsed and fell off the stage onto the dance floor.


The next thing Blaine knew, it was morning. He woke up, still dressed but among strange sheets, and yet familiar walls. A dorm room…a Dalton dorm room. He suddenly heard a familiar voice…”Good, you’re up.”

Sebastian. Oh…God. “Fuck, oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck I can’t believe it. It happened, you finally did it, oh, Jesus…”

Sebastian bent down, eye level to Blaine. “Calm down, killer…nothing happened. Changed my ways, remember? Look, you still have your clothes on.” Blaine looked down and realized Sebastian was right, as he handed him a glass of water and a couple of painkillers.

“What happened...thank you,” as he took the glass,”…last night? How’d I end up here?”

“Well, what’s the last thing you remember?”

“Um…basically walking into Scandals.”


Blaine looks at Sebastian blankly.

Sebastian laughs. “Boy, you REALLY blacked out, huh? Let me fill in the blanks…you cried on my shoulder about how your ex found himself a new New York boy-toy, then you asked why you couldn’t be like…well, me. You drank more whipped cream vodka than I knew Scandals even stocked, flirted heavily with a Nicki Minaj impersonator, knocked a Queen number out of the park as only you can…and then passed out face first on the karaoke stage.”

“Huh, so she wasn’t Katy Perry. And you SWEAR we…”

“…didn’t so much as sext across the room. I brought you back here, assuming your parents wouldn’t appreciate their son being carried into the house reeking of smoke, booze, and M.A.C. cosmetics, and put you to bed. I took the floor.”

“Sebastian, you didn’t really have to do this. I mean it…my parents weren’t home anyway.”

“Well NOW you tell me!” Sebastian threw his head back, shaking it good humoredly. After a pause…”Blaine?”

“Yeah, Sebastian?”

“About what you said last night. You…you don’t want to be like me. Trust me, a place like Scandals would eat you alive. Blaine, you’re…not built for the one-night stand.”

“That a crack about my height?”

“No…just, you did talk a lot last night. About…what you did. Why you and Kurt broke up.”

Blaine suddenly found his hands and feet very interesting. “Oh. Well, you’re probably pissed it wasn’t you…”

“Damn right I am…” Blaine’s eyes got huge as he looked at Sebastian, flabbergasted.” Kidding, I’m kidding!” He looked Blaine straight in the eye now. “Seriously, if one hook up has you this messed up emotionally, you’re just not cut out for it. You know why I stopped pursuing you, Blaine? It’s because I realized you’re the type of guy that has to have a relationship. Sex for you has to…it has to, I don’t know, matter, or something. Sex for me, it’s fun, it’s an extracurricular activity…and it’s something I don’t want to do with someone who’s going to start picking out future surrogates and plotting cactus gardens in our future Spanish-style villa in their head. Nothing wrong with it, nothing wrong with you. Just, not for me.”

Blaine sighs. “But…it hurts. Knowing he’s with him, wondering if he’ll ever want me again. What if Kurt falls in love with him, what…what if Adam doesn’t want him to be friends with his exes, with me?”

ldquo;Blaine…did Kurt say anything about never talking to you again?”

“No…in fact, he said he’d call me Sunday, during ‘Watch What Happens Live’.”

“See? He’s still in your life, and who knows? Maybe this Adam guy will turn out to be a jerk and he’ll come running back to you. Or maybe he’ll make Kurt happier than he’s ever been in his life. Point is there’s not a whole hell of a lot you can do about it right now.”

“So, what do I do?”

“Audition for NYADA, keep doing that Class President thing… and don’t waste your second chance at Regionals, I’ll really be pissed if we got disqualified only for you guys to fuck it up. Just…keep taking care of yourself. The rest will fall into place.”

“Huh…thanks, Sebastian. You know, you can actually be a decent person when you want to be.”

"God, don't let that get out, I have a reputation to protect. Now come on, let's sneak you out of here and back home before the Resident Advisor snaps at me for having a non-student in my room, again."

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